Now that you’re married, I’m sure you’ve noticed some things about your husband that make you think “Is that ever going to change?” Whether it’s leaving clothes out, the way he argues, or his lack of motivation or drive, your husband is human and there’s likely something you’ve noticed about his character that could use an upgrade.
Through this show, my intention is to give you the key to change within your husband, and 3 things you can do to aid in his journey as he becomes more like Christ and the best version of himself.
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Episode 20: Three Ways To Aid In Your Husband’s Faith Formation
My husband and my own relationship with Christ and spiritual journeys are different, but earlier on in marriage, I thought they should be the same. I thought my husband should desire to journal and read scripture the way I did. I thought he should desire to listen to Christian radio. I thought he should desire to go to retreats. He didn’t, and so I encouraged him – countless times – to give it another try until I started to notice his countenance began to fall. When he didn’t desire it, but I did, he started to draw away from those things even further. My encouragement didn’t help – it hurt, and it was after I stopped encouraging that I realized what that encouragement really was – pushing.
In the first few years of marriage, I pushed my husband to sign up for bible studies that were not helpful for him, retreats that actually frustrated him at times, and read the bible in a way that he couldn’t relate to.
After I noticed this trend, I started praying from a book – and began to let go of trying to change how he spiritually led our family. I began to let go and embrace the fact that the way he led our family and grew his relationship with Christ would look different than the way I would have done it.
Just like in parenting, my husband parents just a hair different than I do – he chooses different clothes, sings different songs, and has a different bedtime routine for our baby than I do. But it’s still GOOD. It’s different, but it’s GOOD.
It’s that GOOD that I had to let grow instead of stifle in the spiritual areas of his life, and after praying I began to watch my husband’s spirituality blossom as his workload changed, his job changed, his heart changed. God was doing A LOT of things within my husband’s heart and there were a lot of physical and spiritual barriers in the way that I couldn’t move, only he could – with the Lord’s help.
The Key To Change Him is to stop trying! Only Jesus can change him – because change begins in the heart!
Three Tips To Aid In Your Husband’s Formation:
Give space – Not talking sometimes does even more good than talking. I found that as I monitored my husband’s relationship with Christ & quiet time, he felt even more insecure & lacking and drew farther away from the Lord.
Model formation – Pray, have quiet time, attend a bible study, talk about what you’re learning if he is open to receiving it, put scripture up around the home (next to light switches), Attend church regularly, pick up your clothes, clean the house. Model the change you are desiring without requiring it of him. Lead by example.
Pray – Use structured prayer to help aid you in praying over each area of your husband’s life. The best work you can do for your husband is interceding for him on a daily basis. That is the best support you can bring. I use a book – Prayers for husbands, I will also be giving away the prayer book for future husbands – Also, my Mom sent me a prayer to pray for your husband, USE IT:
Thank you for my husband. He is an amazing partner and blessing in my life. He is more than I could ever ask for. I know that neither of us is perfect, but we are perfectly imperfect together.
Lord, help my husband thrive in his job and to gain great fulfillment in his work. Help him to inspire others with his work ethic and positive attitude.
Lord, let him see the fruits of his labor, and in lean times, help him to remember that you are still in control. Give him a hunger for Your Word, Lord. May he be a light to our family and to others.
Remind him that only You define him; his purpose comes from You…not his work, hobbies, or even me, Lord. Help him to prioritize his life according to Your will… God, family and then everything else.
Let there be joy in our hearts and our home. Give us a rock-solid marriage built on a firm foundation of faith and forgiveness.
Let our love be a testimony of the tremendous love and grace You have for us.
Help us to work as a team in parenting our children. Let us speak kindly to one another and our children. Help us to teach them Your ways and to see this manifested in our own lives. Lord, we so desire our marriage to be one that makes our kids want to get married someday.
I pray that we always make time for each other every single day. When my husband feels disconnected, Lord, give him the courage to come to me and share his heart. Let truth and trust flow through our marriage and home.
Help him to flee temptation. Convict his heart when he is wrong, so we can get back on the right path. May my husband only have eyes for me alone, and I only have eyes for him alone. Lord, give us a close, honest, loving, and vibrant intimacy that keeps us tightly intertwined in mind, body and soul.
May there be nothing between us; no people, lies, or things left unsaid. I thank you for bringing us together, and I pray a special blessing on his life and our life together. Help me to be the very best wife I can be to him, Lord.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen
Put down persistence and pick up prayer.
If you’ve noticed there is an area in your life where you are nagging or pushing your husband, stop. Changing your husband’s determination, motivation, drive, discipline, eating habits, cleanliness, athleticism, spirituality, and patience is not up to you – it’s up to him, which means the only person who can truly help your husband is himself allowing Jesus in to shape and form him into His own image and the best version of himself.
Put down persistence and pick up prayer.
What characteristics, virtues, or habits have you seen in your husband that you desire to see changed?
How have you been processing these feelings? Have they made you think about your husband (or treat your husband) differently?
What do you need to do or say today in order to put down persistence and pick up prayer?
Choose a short prayer, google it or use part of the prayer in the notes from my mom, that you can put next to your bed and read every night before you go to bed for your husband. It’s as simple as that. Use 5 seconds of your breath to breathe out a prayer for your husband. Start small and pray with intention – that is how the Lord’s work can begin, continue, and be strengthened in your husband.
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Friend, you’ve got this, and even more – God’s got this. Get out there and hug the one person you chose to be with forever, through the good times and hard times. Praying you have a peace-filled day!